What I'll Never Tell You

The words burnt in my throat as I sat there, unable to vocalize what I so desperately want to say. I knew I’d be smothered by your charm but I was lost in you and that’s funny cos I knew exactly what I would have said.

I would have told you that I want you, in more ways than one. Everytime you leave, the smile on your face leaves an imprint in my brain.

I would have told you that my heart skips a beat and butterflies take over in my stomach when I hear from you. Or see your name pop up on my screen.

I would have told you that you ignited something in me. Something that caused a flutter in all of me.

I would have told you that I want to sit on your kitchen counter as you make toast and eggs at 6 in the morning.

I would have told you that I miss your weird sense of humour that used to make me laugh so hard as u regale me with your stories.

I would have told you that I miss that smirk on your face when you win the weird conversations we had.

I would have told you that I want to feel your arms around me or your hand on my back as you guide me through the crowded streets.

I would have told you that I love your flaws (as bountiful as they may be cos I sure as hell ain’t perfect) and that I love our differences though they can be a pain at times.

I would have told you that I want to learn something new about you everyday because I want to be able to say, one day, that I know all of you.

I would have told you that I want to curl up in bed with you as we watch movies at midnight with our legs tangled in the sheets.

I would have told you that I want to be what you reach for when you wake up in the middle of the night.

I would have told you that sometimes it’s easy to not get affected by you and what you do/say but yet at times, it’s the hardest shit ever.

And finally, I would have told you that I want to make you happy.

In the simplest form of these words, I won't chase after you when you walk away. 

Hugs,
Nora

Downfall: Pizza and Donut

For as long as I can remember, food has always been my nemesis. Junk food or not, I have zero willpower when it comes to controlling what I eat. ZERO.
It wouldn't matter if I'm full. So long as there's food within sight, my hands will automatically reach out and even though my tummy will be screaming in agony, I can hear my mouth/tongue giving off an evil laugh.

As I grew older, I know I had to find a way somehow. But hey, I don't live in a bloody fairy tale where everything works out the way I want it to so of course I haven't found that balance. Although I have to say that I'm a tad better at it now than I was 10 years ago.

But the two things that I can NEVER resist are pizza and donuts, especially pizza. 

Yes, I know that a slice of the worst pizza that exists has 2000 calories in it. That's almost double my daily calorie intake! But who can resist that yummy looking slice of awesomeness?!
I can almost taste it in my mouth now... Pepperoni on melting cheese that stretches like crazy as you take a bite into that soft chewy dough. The tomato paste oozing out as your teeth sinks into it and the waft of delicious passes through your nostrils.

But who am I kidding? I'm FAMOUS for my sweet tooth and of course a day is not complete until I've had something sweet. Donuts, together with pizzas, will be my downfall.
Do you like the basic sugar-coated one? Or maybe the chocolate sprinkles? How about the oreo-covered one? Peanut butter?

I wish I can say I like ONE specific type but I don't.
I BLOODY LIKE ALL OF THEM!

If I was in the food industry, I know the one thing that would be on the top of my list.

PIZZA DONUT! Or maybe DONUT PIZZA!
Before you start sniggering and giving me grief about being a glutton, just take a second and think about it. It would be brilliant to have two of my favourite food (and a lot of other people too!) combined into one.

I shall wait patiently for the day where someone creates this delicious goodie. *rubs hands in glee*

Hugs,
Nora

The Things You Taught Me That You Weren't Aware Of

You were the one who taught me that attraction at first sight is not a myth and that attraction can last for years. I know this cos everytime we meet, I feel that same pull towards you no matter how much I tell myself that it doesn’t exist.

You were the one who taught me not to look at the world with rose-tinted glasses. Your experiences and stories of what you went through had me in stitches but they also taught me not to be naïve and sheltered simply cos I live in a safe country.

You were the one who taught me how easy it is to compartmentalize and walk away, no strings attached. The minimal actions you took broke my heart and shattered my dignity.

You were the one who taught me that I shouldn’t settle. In your own twisted way, you showed me that if it’s not right, I should walk away. The guilt I felt turned into a lesson that was worth more than a million bucks.

You were the one who taught me that it is possible to want all of someone and nothing at the same time. That new experience is a terrible feeling and I certainly hope never to feel that again.

You were the one who taught me how much I despise myself – for being hopeless and useless when it comes to you  - yet try to be that fierce independent woman.

You were the one who taught me that I was right all this while and I should have trusted my instincts right from the start.

Now that I’ve learnt, will I apply the lessons or continue letting you teach me?

 

Hugs,
Nora

Falling in Love Without My Permission and Finding My Way Out Of It

That initial look in your eyes piercing through mine. That tentative hesitant smile to see if I’d respond in a positive manner. What were the odds that you’d be the one person I met who would make such an impact in my life, even after all this time?

You said all the right things and that grabbed my attention right off the bat.

Were you THAT intuitive or did you have so much practice at this that you knew exactly what to say? 

I wish I can say that I didn’t succumb to your charm.

I wish I can say I didn’t let you in.

I wish I can say that I walked away.

Mostly, I wish I can say that I didn’t fall for you and your ways.

I wasn’t looking for love nor was I looking for a partner but you caused a ripple in my heart and that forced my brain to have a thinkthrough. How is this possible? We never dated (not in the traditional sense of the word) and we barely met.

All the times that we’ve spent together, physically or not, you said/did the sweetest things that you didn’t have to. I was confused.

Why did you feel the need to play the seduction game with me? You already knew you had me.

All I wanted to do was pull away and say “Don’t play pretend. You don’t have to sweet talk me. I know what this is.”

Matters of the heart have always been confusing and now, I don’t want to fall blindly anymore. I want to stop being impulsive. Stop being a sucker for you.

But after all this time, my heart still skips a beat whenever it comes to you.

Hugs,
Nora