Struggles of Being a Girl

Everyone of us go through a point in our lives where we are unhappy with the way we look or when we feel disgruntled about family, relationships and work. But I daresay for most females, it's the way you look physically and that self-doubt nagging you from inside ("you look bloated in that dress", "you'll look nicer if you went down one size", "that shade of red may not be your best friend", "that haircut makes your neck non-existent", etc). 

My weight (i.e. how I look physically) has been something that I've been battling since I was 15/16. Up until I was 15 or 16, I was a skinny ass. By skinny ass, I mean SCRAWNY. 

I was this nerd with glasses and mushroom hair and clothes hung off me as if I was a hanger. Needless to say, I did not feel pretty. At all. 

When I started working part-time whilst waiting for my 'O' Level results, I.BALLOONED.UP. 

In an instant, I became heaviest that I ever was up to that age. Was I worried? Hell, yes. Did I stop eating? Hell, no. It's Singapore and I was young. Desserts and food were my best friends... Until I realised that I'm beginning to resemble a muffin. 

So desperate measures, I took. Slimming pills, slimming "magic" drinks, I tried them all. Except the one most important factor - exercise. It was great cos I lost major weight but not at the expense of everything else. I couldn't eat like a normal person and going out was depressing cos I could only watch. I kept going to the toilet and it felt like the toilet was my new best friend. I was so obsessed with being thin that once I got off the slimming pills, I turned to throwing up what I ate. But that didn't last long cos public toilets in Singapore are G.R.O.S.S. 

6 months ago, I lost 10kg. I was depressed and I barely ate. All I had on a daily basis for 2 months were Milo and 1 curry puff a day. Best part was not feeling hungry at all. But everyone who knew me thought that I looked unhealthy. 

This was how I looked like at my skinniest. 

Fast forward 6 months. I have not only gained 10kg, BUT A WHOPPING 14KG! 

Somebody, anybody, please shoot me now. I look and feel like a whale and I cannot fit into my clothes. I HAD TO BUY NEW CLOTHES. There are not many pictures of me cos come on. Who on earth would want to take photos of themselves fat? But here are some I managed to dig up. 

Check out the ginormous arms n fat face. 

So right now, it's a desperate attempt to lose weight but I'm trying out something new that I never had... No pills/drinks/tonic and no getting depressed. 

I AM EATING CLEAN AND EXERCISING LIKE A MANIAC. 

So here's a list of the various things that I've recently taken up. 

Boot camp sessions, Power Plate classes and Zumba. Of course, I'm still continuing with hot yoga and more recently, I was introduced to Shaun T's Insanity Workout. 

Food, obviously, is depressing right now cos I can't do my cupcakes and donuts and fried chicken. So lunch/dinner is basically salads or beancurd. BUT!!!! I'm so bloody happy to say that after 3 weeks or so, I've lost 3.5kg!!  

More updates on the various exercises and maybe I'll post a photo of my not so round but not quite thin face/body yet. 

*hugs*
Nora